Uncategorized - Deconstructing Me

How Many Diddy Victims Are There?

Recently it was announced that a high profile attorney by the name of Tony Buzbee is representing over 120 alleged victims who have come forward with strong enough accusations against Sean “Diddy” Combs to proceed in court. These allegations range from sexual assault to drugging and exploitation, with some of the victims being minors at the time of the incidents. In fact some of the victims are allegedly as young as nine years old when the assault happened!

One thing to keep in mind, however, is that for everyone one of the 120 victims that ARE coming to court, there may be hundreds of others whose cases are legitimate but there is just not sufficient enough evidence to convict. Additionally, there may be famous people who are victims but who simply do not want the shame of embarrassment coming forward. Some victims may even feel a sense of indebtedness to Diddy even if it did start out with illegal sexual activity. I have to wonder, for example, if Justin Bieber or Usher who were both pre teen boys when Diddy got to them, will turn their back on the man who helped make them famous. Even if there WERE sexual abuse, at least in Beibers case, these men may still feel a sense of loyalty to Diddy.

The fact is, Buzbees office has officially received over 3000 claims of abuse against Diddy and that is a HUGE number. We, as a society, have ruined (cancelled) people’s careers over allegations from ONE victim with or without proof. Can Diddys empire and reputation survive over 3000 people accusing him of rape and assault, including rape of children?? How many of the 120 cases being brought to court will stick?

The basics of Diddy’s SEXUAL crimes seem fairly clear at this point It appears, from sheer numbers alone, that Diddy likely has been illegally drugging and sexually assaulting both men and women for decades in order to fulfill his perverse sexual or power hunger obsession needs. But this is not even half of the allegations Diddy is facing. Let’s not forget that MANY sources in the music industry believe Diddy has been involved in orchestrating and paying for multiple murders (such as Tupac and Notorious B.I.G) and that the FBI even allegedly had him under investigation for the murders though they couldn’t follow the money trail and PROVE it so dropped the case. Diddy is also facing charges related to racketeering, human trafficking, and more.

Hollywood seems to be reacting in numerous ways, from musicians and actors trying to delete their social media accounts to obscure their connections and relationships with him to friends turning on him and offering to tell all for book and movie deals. Names are coming soon and it will likely shock some of us.

This morning, for reasons I can’t explain, a line from Ke$has song Tik Tok just popped into my head.

“I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy”

Chances are that since he’s in prison and accused of rape and assault even against children that you do NOT want to wake up on the morning like P Diddy now. He may have some rude mornings ahead

Oh, by the way, even Ke$ha is literally changing her tune about Diddy. I googled why she wrote that line and discovered by accident a new video where she is on stage and has changed the line to “I wake up in the morning and say FUCK P Diddy!”

LOABT006 – The Higher Self

While Abraham Hicks referred to the non-physcal aspect of our being as our “inner self”, they also admitted that others call it the ‘higher self” and that they are one and the same thing. I prefer “higher self” myself because I imagine the non physical part of us is much more powerful and complete than our physical self. In fact, Abraham also says the very same thing.

“…few people actually understand that the Non-Physical part of them remains currently, powerfully, and predominantly focused in the Non-Physical realm while a part of that perspective flows into this physical perspective and their now physical body.” – Abraham

I believe many of us who have learned to communicate with something of a non-physcal nature are really most likely simply awakening to our own “higher self”, the larger part of ourselves that is not rooted in the physical realm. In a lot of ways, therefore, we are our own spiritual guides. Or, to borrow a Christian term, we are our own guardian angels.

It would be silly, therefore to “worship” the non-physcal being for the non-physcal being is merely ourselves. They are not greater than us for they ARE us It also seems less and less important for me to ask “them” for answers since, in reality, they are me. I would do better to ask myself to help myself remember what my lower self has forgotten.

This is indeed a complicated issue however, because the lower self has forgotten that it eminates from the higher self. We view ourselves as separate from our higher self and thus we do not recognize ourselves for what we truly are. So long as we believe that “WE” are physical and “THEY” are non physical, we will be stuck. True “enlightenment” is coming to the realization that “we” and “them” are the same.

LOABT005 – Psychedelics and the Movie Theater

While I was writing down my thoughts the other day about “the great game” of our physical reality, it dawned on me that there was another great analogy to why the psychedelic experience is so effective at opening a person up to seeing the “spiritual” world.

When you go to see any movie at the theater, what happens just before the movie is about to begin? First, we often get a reminder to silence our cell phones and to take noisy children to the lobby so as not to disturb the experience of others. Then, the lights go down and music comes up and we are, for a moment, transported into a new reality. The dimming of the lights, the putting our phones on silent, the reminder not to talk or let children make noise are all preparing us to temporarily “forget” that we are in a movie theater with 50-60 other people. For two hours or so we experience the movie one on one. We are fully immersed in the movie and we keep our mouths shut until the movie is concluded. Only at the end are the lights turned back on and we become aware again that we are in a movie theater, checking our watch to see what time it is and remembering now that we have to get the kids home before bed.

This, to me, is an apt description in a way of what a psychedelic does. When we ingest the “medicine”, it puts the “world” to sleep for us. Effectively our phones are silenced, our mouths are shut, and the lights go out. We are no longer focused on the world around us and the “experience” becomes just us and it. Our full attention (or as close to it as possible) is on the experience and watching what it has to offer. Only when the experience is over do the “lights” slowly come back up and we are again reminded that we are “in the theater”.

Now here is the real mind bender. Imagine if you will that we all REALLY live in the spiritual realm. THAT is our theater with the “lights on” is at. But, when we come into this physical reality we silence our cell phones in the spiritual realms. We make sure to shut our mouths and remove all distractions. While we are with others, we remind each other that we will not speak during the “film”. Then, we dim the the lights and for the space of a human lifetime we “forget” that we are really somewhere else. We become immersed in the stage of “life”, sucked into the roles and characters playing out before us. We feel the pain of imaginary characters, empathizing with “actors” who we temporarily forget are not “real” but merely playing a role in a movie. We become immersed in the experience and feel all the joys and tribulations of the “actors” until at last it is over and our lights come back on and we remember that the entire thing was just a “movie” and we have other shit to do.

I hesitate making this addition but it seems the right time. I have often wondered why it is so few of us “remember” where we really are even when we try. We reach out to “talk” to others but there is no answer most of the time. Why is that? Perhaps because WE all agreed before the film began to remain silent so as not to ruin the experience for others. If, as the skeptic would like, we just opened our mouths or turned on the lights in the middle of the film, the movie would be ruined for everyone. So, as part of OUR agreement before the film begins, we agree to remain silent. Sure, some people don’t obey the rules and those who speak during the film are usually are looked with at scorn by others for ruining the experience of those who want to ‘enjoy the movie’.

I feel the same thing happens for “spiritual” beings.

MOST of those beings in the spiritual world remain silent to us. This may explain why we reach out to “God” but “God” never seems to answer us so clearly as to ruin the “movie”. Spiritual beings may refuse to show themselves to us because that would, in effect, ruin the film for everyone else. But, like humans in a theater, every so often one of those beings can’t help themselves and whispers through the film to the person beside them. They have, in essence, ruined the experience a bit for that person because now the person is trying to both listen to the person beside them and still remain immersed in the “film”. Similarly, I wonder, if those of us who have made contact with non-physical entities are like those who talk during the movie. We perhaps are robbing ourselves of the immersive experience because we cannot both fully immerse in the film and pay attention to what is being whispered in our ear.

LOABT003 – Non-physical Beings Use Non-physical Communication

Yesterday I shared some thoughts about how seekers like myself may not be able to quiet our own minds enough to receive the message from non-physical entities. This is true, I think, with the possible exception of psychedelics and meditation. Today I want to explain a little what I think happened to me on psychedelics and why I was able to communicate with non-physcal entities in “that space”. Also, I want to explain how my experience with psychedelics opened new pathways of communication through meditation that were not previously available.

Let me first start by trying to explain some of my experience communicating with non-physical entities while “under the influence” of a psychedelic, then I will explain why I think it works.

In my first ever experience I recall waiting for the “drug” to kick in. I had no real idea what to expect and was told that the experience is different for everyone so I tried to just let it happen. As I was staring up into a bright afternoon sky my ears began to ring with a high pitched ringing that I somehow knew had always been there but that I had simply filtered out. That was, in itself a lesson from some other intelligence. Without hearing words it was as if something in my head was telling me to pay attention. This ringing is always here. You know this already but you are remembering it now. Why do you pretend it isn’t there when all you have to do is listen? By the way, while typing this just now, the ringing is coming back loudly in my head. I am hearing the same ringing now because I’ve learned how to listen for it and turn my awareness to it.

The entire “trip” was much like this. I was continually reminded by a thought in my mind that I already know these things, I merely have to remember. I became aware, as the clouds above me began to fold in on each other like a kaleidoscope, that the trees were watching me. They had suddenly become aware that I had woken up and were now eyeing me suspiciously. I could feel the one closest to me was a female and very strong and powerful, she stared at me menacingly but another thought in my mind told me to just relax and I’ll be fine. “You have entered her space,” I remember thinking. “She is just making sure your not a threat.”. I felt like telepathically I was telling her I’m “ok” and not here to do anything evil. Eventually she stopped staring at me and became convinced I was not a threat.

The next communication I remember was when I was told to look at the temple. It again was not words but a feeling. I found myself feeling as if I had entered a sacred temple and that invisible teachers were here with me to teach me a lesson. I was asked somehow, without words, to look around and notice the beer cans and cigarette butts laying around the space around me. I became revolted by the idea that people would come into this temple and shit all over the place by leaving their drugs and alcohol all over the place. I was distinctly “told” for lack of a better word, that I should not treat this experience mundanely and do not disrespect the temple by treating it as if it’s just “doing drugs”. The garbage around me was what the profane do to the temple. Do not be like them. Do not treat this experience recreationally. This is not a game.

Later in my first trip I was shown pitch blackness and heard the dripping of water from somewhere as if I were in a pitch black cave underground. I asked the “experience” what this place was and I remember feeling the answer immediately, “REMEMBER!”. And suddenly I did remember. “Ive been here before!” I exclaimed. “Why did I forget this place?? I’ve been here!!!”

In my mind I was not given the answer about what the place was. I was just continually impressed to “remember”. Several times after that trip I came back to it again (the dark place with dripping water) and every time I came back I was angry about why I had forgotten it. I was never given the answer, simply asked to remember.

One more comment on this before I concluded with what I think is happening. From an outside perspective or that of a skeptic, there is NO proof of anything here. The conversation was entirely in my head and thus, to many, entirely made up by me. Then again, that is EXACTLY how telepathy is supposed to work. All I can tell you is that when I asked questions in my mind, the questions felt as if they were from me and were MY questions, but the answers felt like they came from someone entirely NOT me. I had the clear distinction between my own thoughts and the thoughts of something else.

So what is happening here? I have begun to theorize that most of us in our conscious state do not relax enough or lower our resistance enough to hear the answers to our questions from non physical entities. We are too rooted in the “here and now” or our physical reality to quiet the mind and pick up on the more subtle things around us. Just as I was made aware that the ringing I heard in my ears was always there but I merely tuned it out, so too I believe, non-physcal entities communicate with us all the time but we have tuned them out. But, on a high dose of psilocybin, you are no longer able to focus on the physical world. You are so deep into altered consciousness that you are no longer aware you are sitting in a chair or in a house, or laying on the beach. Your focus on the physical world around you is GONE and all you are left with are the things you normally tune out. That is where I met them and communicated with them. In time, I learned how to do it better with mere meditation, but that is another story.

[The series category LOABT contains my thoughts and observations about the book “The Law of Attraction: The Basic Teachings of Abraham Hicks”]

LOABT002 – Physical Mediumship

I’m going to continue sharing random thoughts about non-physcal entities for a while, understanding of course that many of you won’t remotely be interested. As I have stated before, I have little doubt that I have been in contact with intelligences of a non-physcal nature. That, for me, is not the question. The question is, what are they, how does it work and why doesn’t it work consistently? Why is there always room for doubting our communication and explaining everything away as random coincidence?

Now I want to make it clear for those still reading that what I experience is no different, in my opinion, than every single Christians experience. Christians, at the end of the day, cannot prove that God exists. Even when they themselves are 100% sure that God saved them from a near death experience or answered a prayer, if they tell a skeptic, that skeptic will make it clear that their experience is no proof at all. It is just the Christian’s gut feeling and explanation for random events. No miracle story about how “Jesus took the wheel” and saved them from a head on collision will convince the skeptic that it was anything other than the person’s wishful thinking. Ironically, these same Christian’s are usually the most likely to reject MY “evidence” for non-physcal entities because it feels in conflict with their own personal understanding of God.

As I was reading the teachings of Abraham Hicks (a supposed “channeled” group of entities), Esther and Jerry Hicks explained how Jerry and Esther were the perfect match for bringing Abraham forward. Jerry was a seeker. He had a million questions about life, the universe, and the meaning of it all. Esther, on the other hand was a more simple type who didn’t think too deeply about things and didn’t really care to question the nature of everything. As Jerry and Esther describe it, it was the combination of those two types that allowed Abraham to speak through Esther. It was Jerry who drew the non-physcal entities known as Abraham to him because he was the one seeking answers. However, Jerry’s skeptical mind did not allow “them” to communicate through him openly. His resistance was simply too high. Esther was able to fully relax, in a meditative state, and these beings were able to enter her in a way because she had no resistance. She let them in and work with her physical body to provide them an instrument to speak to Jerry.

In my own experience, I feel I am very much like Jerry. I have a million questions and would love to sit down with a non-physcal entity of sorts and ask it millions of questions. Because of this, I feel I have drawn some of their attention. They, whatever they are, know that I’m a seeker and are responding to my “vibration” (as the Law of Attraction would call it). I am drawing to myself those who can answer my questions. BUT, my resistance is far too high. I always have to look for the “scientific” explanation of everything. When something happens of a supernatural variety, my mind immediately starts questioning the experience. Sure, that was really strange, but it could be that….(And off I go with a scientific explanation that can dismiss everything I experienced as just a strange coincidence).

I have had a friend tell me that my unwillingness to just accept things for what they are prevents me from getting the answers I seek. Because I have to explain everything or understand everything, I do not allow for the possibility that some things simply can’t be explained with human logic and I close my mind. Like Jerry, I seem to need a physical medium who is not resistant to their communication methods and is open enough to allow them to speak without questioning everything.

In my life I feel I have met a few of these people, ones who do not think too deeply and are open to “allowing”. The problem is, they aren’t really interested in getting the message because they really don’t care. It is such a strange dichotomy. No wonder it is so rare to find someone who has the right disposition to receive the message. It seems you need both a seeker and one who doesn’t seek anything.

[The series category LOABT contains my thoughts and observations about the book “The Law of Attraction: The Basic Teachings of Abraham Hicks”]

Lee’s Library – Hidden in Plain Sight

The following are random thoughts generated while reading “Solomon’s Builders: Freemasons, Founding Fathers and the Secrets of Washington D.C.”

Dan Brown’s 2003 book the Da Vinci Code seemed to have set the world on fire with renewed interest in hidden symbolism. It was an exciting time for me because I’d been talking about a lot these types of things for YEARS and no one seemed interested. Suddenly it seemed everyone was a little bit interested.

Prior to Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code I had, for example, repeatedly shared details about the American “Great Seal” and the symbolism on the dollar bill. I’d pointed out the great Eye of Horus on the pyramid and asked why any “Christians” would feel compelled to put the symbol of an egyptian god on their money? And what exactly did “Novus ordo Seclorum” (often translated as “New World Order”) mean and why is it written in Latin? It seemed none of my friends (save maybe one) could give a shit. Most have never given it a seconds thought.

Prior to the Da Vinci Code, if I tried to point out the odd behaviors of so the called “christian” founding fathers, people would scoff and tell me I’m making shit up. Then along comes Dan Brown who LITERALLY just made a lot of shit up and people ate it up by the millions. Suddenly the average man was spouting out interesting (but historically incorrect) “facts” based on what they read in a Dan Brown novel, forgetting that Dan Brown was, in fact, a Fiction novelist. Sure, some of what Dan wrote has a kernel of truth but there was a lot of just made up stuff because it sounded true and made for an interesting book/movie.

What I have found to be true about Dan Brown’s book is that it is true the founding fathers really did use a lot of occult symbolism when starting the new America. In fact, occultists new and old actually do hide symbolism in books, movies, national monuments, religious and secular ceremonies and just about anything really. But why? Is it just something bored people do because it entertains them, or is it designed to communicate a hidden meaning to those who know what to look for? Is it just silly nonsense or does it have religious importance to the person hiding the symbols? What do the symbols mean and why do we spend time and money putting them all over our government entities?

Watch any opening ceremony of the Olympics and the casual observer will just see unusual dances and images that seem silly or rediculous but to those “initiated” in the the ancient mystery religions you might see lots of symbolism that is hidden in plain sight. Pointing out the symbols to those who don’t see them or understand them is pointless because you arent able to explain to most rational human beings WHY it is being done. And so, I would argue, the masses unwittingly watch an occult ceremony take place right before their eyes without seeing a thing. In Kubrick’s famous words, they are seeing the world with “Eyes Wide Shut.'”

It has been said many times in the things I read and study that there is supposed to be great power in performing occult rituals right in front of the masses and having them ignore all the signs of occultism. It is important, in the occult, that the masses CHOOSE to remain blind and believe the lie that there is nothing to see here. One of my favorite movies, “The Cabin in the Woods”, depicts this nicely. When a group of young people are led to a cabin in the woods to be ritually sacrificed one by one to appease the old gods, someone asks why there are so many warning signs everywhere letting the young people know what’s about to happen to them. Why not just kill them if you need a sacrifice? Why give them a chance to see the danger ahead and escape? The answer, according to the movie, is that those being sacrificed HAVE to be given a chance to escape their own horrendous ending and instead CHOOSE the path of destruction anyway. It makes the sacrifice more powerful. There is a line in the Bible that this always reminds me of.

“Because they were not lovers of the truth, God gave them over to a strong delusion so they would believe the lie to their own destruction.”

I have often pondered this question from a religious perspective (Seventh-Day Adventist) as well as a more spiritual perspective (ala Buddhism). From an Adventist perspective, all of creation should inherently know that God exists and yet people still doubt him. Is it because we continue to doubt the existence of God regardless of the evidence given us that God has given us over to a strong delusion to believe the lie that he does not? Is the evidence right in front of our faces but because we are not lovers of truth we simply don’t see it? Or from perhaps a Buddhist perspective, is the nature of reality in front of us every day that we should inherently understand that this physical reality isn’t “real” and is only an illusion? Is it because we do not love the truth about our own inherent nature that we have been given over to a strong delusion and made to believe that we really exist in a physical universe and that we are not indeed spiritual beings?

As a final thought, I have contemplated before that Jesus was, in fact, an occult master. Consider the following. One time Jesus disciples asked him why he spoke in parables and riddles. His response was essentially to say that it is designed to deceive the masses. His exact explanation recorded in the Bible is “so that by seeing they do not see and by hearing they do not hear”. In other words he speaks so that people hear what they want to hear. He further told his apostles that the “secrets” had been taught to them in private but that the masses were given stories so they would think they understand . Is it possible therefore that the Bible simply contains the stories for the uneducated masses so that while seeing (reading) or hearing they still do not truly see or hear? They believe they understand the meaning but perhaps the real “secrets” were indeed revealed in private and it’s only the public stories for the ignorant masses that survives in our modern Bibles.